"How can ye reject the faith in Allah?
- seeing that ye were without life, and He gave you life;
then will He cause you to die, and will again bring you to life;
and again to Him will ye return." (Al-Quran 2:28 )
In the early hours of the morning my heart was raising with frustration and pain. The smallest of things was aggravating my blood. The cause of my unhappiness I was not even able to pin point. I blamed everything and everyone else besides myself. At two thirty four in the a.m. I left the house and drove out towards the coast line near my house. At the time I didn’t think that there are others who wish they had the chance to see the ocean. But I just drove and parked right in front of the ocean. I spent about half an hour texting my husband my frustrations and trying to cause an argument that he would not give into. He knows me better than I know myself some times.
I returned home still frustrated and just tired of the little reaction I had received. Still I was unhappy. I went to sleep in anger, not thanking Allah that I had made it to another day. When I woke up around eleven I did not think about saying thanks to Allah for allowing me to wake up. I did not say thanks when I put the first piece of bread in my mouth this morning and I continued in my unhappiness and ungratefulness. Later in the day, one of my friends sent me a letter saying that she had been tracking my life events and that she was happy for my happiness. That I deserved to be happy. I didn’t think much about it since I felt like if she only knew...
I went on to continue to pester my husband about everything under the sun that was bothering me. Now that I look back at the events it puts a smile on my face to notice his patience. He did end up calling me out on what I was doing and letting me know that I was wrong. I had no come back to the things he said, because I knew that in my complaining I had no reasons just frustrations that are minor and I am the only one who can change my own situation.
After complaining all day, I remembered a movie that I watched last night called "Stuck on You." It’s about two brothers who are joined at the waist. One of them is trying to become an actor but the other one has awful stage fright. The story depicts their difficulties in life and how society is cruel on them. Regardless of their bad situations they stay positive and grateful and did not give up on what they were trying to achieve. I felt like a very bad person. I felt so small... There are people who wish everyday they had half of what I have. I have always had everything I ever needed and most recently I spent hours supplicating and asking my Giving God the things that would make me happy... and he answered my prayers...
How can I complain? What is wrong with me? I can only pray to be forgiven and change my behavior. I must focus on the fact that I am thankful for everything I have in this world. It is all thanks to God that I woke up this morning and made it through another day without hunger or fear or suffering. With a great patient husband, a loving mother in law, the best mom and dad in the world.
This passage from Al Quran made me realize that I owe everything to Allah. When I am being ungrateful, I am showing a lack of faith. It is Allah who gives me life everyday and the blessings of love and health and things that make me smile. Alhamdulillah!!
